Non violence is more than turning swords into pruning hooks and plowshares.

I have a young friend, John, who loves to think deeply. I find his thinking refreshing. Jesus seems to take his mind where I would never go. Awhile back we were meeting over dinner and he made a statement that has stuck with me. He said as a Christian he was committed to physical, emotional and relational non-violence. Wow, I’d never thought of non-violence in those terms.

I don’t want to get into politics. Usually in Christian circles we think of non-violence as a political issue; i.e. I’m against war. I think it would be pretty hard to portray Jesus or the early Christians as particularly war inclined. But, we don’t need to get into international politics here. I want to go another direction.

Physical Non Violence

We are all aware of Jesus’ statement about turning the other cheek. I personally don’t think we should spiritualize that. Jesus was pretty clear on how we treated our enemies, and it was really counter intuitive: you love them, you don’t seek revenge and you don’t strike back, even physically. Jesus never struck back. He had horrendous violence perpetrated against him, yet his only proactive behavior in the whole violent affair was to heal the ear of a man named Malchus who had his ear cut off by Peter. He then rebuked Peter saying that those who live by the sword, die by the sword  (Lk 22:49-51; Jn. 18:10; Mt. 26:52). I believe that Jesus life demonstrated physical non-violence.

Emotional Non Violence

Most people I know carry around emotional scars, often from their childhood. Many of these scars have to do with some central person in their lives practicing emotional violence. To this day I can remember certain statements that teachers said to me which humiliated me. Most of us can remember deep emotional wounds perpetrated by parents, grandparents or siblings. And, we often carry with us the scars left by classmates and peers.

Jesus was pretty good at letting religious leaders have it if their behavior distanced others from God. He could also be clear and frank. But there was one thing about Jesus. Everything he did was aimed at loving others. If Jesus rebuked you, you never had to doubt he loved you. Words can be more wounding than Peter’s sword. I think Jesus would have us practice emotional non violence.

Relational Non Violence

The two most common ways to wound a relationship is through the abuse of power or through manipulation. Both actually revolve around having power over others. Blatant abuse of power is when someone uses their position or status to force someone else to do something that violates their free will. That’s abuse. There’s no place for that in the Church, even though it is as common as a blue sky.

Manipulation is power abuse’s kissing cousin. Manipulation is when we try to get someone to do what we want, against their will. The manipulator’s twist is that they try to do it in such a way that they can’t actually be held accountable for the control. Manipulators want to be able to say, “I didn’t say that” or “I didn’t mean it that way.” Shame is one of their key weapons. This is relational violence. Neither the abuse of position or status nor manipulation are acts of love. We Christians should be relationally non violent. We should only want what Jesus wants for the other person. Our will for their life should be a non issue. And that means avoiding the most vial Christian manipulative statement of all, “Thus saith the Lord.”

  • Have you ever thought of non violence in emotional or relational terms?
  • Has it ever occurred to you to ask the Holy Spirit to remind you or areas where you are emotionally or relationally violent so you can repent and apologize?
  • Given these definitions, would you consider your church experience to be non violent?
  • Which do you think causes longer term damage, a slap across the face or a cruel damaging word?
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